Big Emotions, Meltdowns, and Our Little Ones

Let me paint a real and honest picture of my toddler who is 23 months old. During our day together, he has several meltdowns. Screaming, crying, yelling no, telling me to go, then asking me to pick him up. Demanding we go outside, or in the car, or upstairs and once we’re upstairs yelling at the gate to go down. Saying oatmeal and screaming oatmeal so I make it and then he doesn’t eat it. Some days feel utterly impossible. I hear the first whiny crying nooooo or see the stomping of tiny feet on the floor and sometimes my stomach does a flip. In my head I ask myself “how much of this are we going to have today?”

Logically, I know he is having a hard time. A really hard time. The big emotions and meltdowns are a part of his normal, healthy development. So why is this so hard?! The reality is a lot of us (caregivers) are having a hard time because we were never taught how to cope with our own emotions. Some of us weren’t even given the space to feel our negative feelings. We were so wrapped up in the codependency of our own parents who taught us we were only good if we behaved. Being quiet and reasonable was equated with love and attention. Being loud and emotional was equated with disdain and ignoring. The good news is we can still do this hard thing that feels impossible. So much of parenting and caring for our emotional toddlers is reparenting our own inner child.

It’s not your fault that this feels so hard. You are triggered. And for good reason. Forgive your parents and/or caregivers. Take care of yourself. Let yourself feel all the feelings you weren’t allowed to feel. Write down the things you wish you heard from your own caregivers. Doing this will help you remember WHY you are parenting your little differently. No spankings, no screamings, no time outs. Because, news flash, these things do not work. Fear is punishment. Punishment teaches children to avoid more punishment in the future. Discipline, on the other hand, teaches children empathy, logical consequences, and self control. Discipline teaches tools a child can use for life.

With all of that said, I also want to recognize that my child is a deeply feeling one. He feels his feelings fully and entirely. I’ve tried so many of the scripts I’ve read in books and on social media. They often don’t work and lead to longer, bigger, meltdowns. I’ve been lost so much in my own motherhood journey and I want to help you feel less alone. This phase is so hard. AND it is just a phase. It will pass. Life won’t be like this forever. I feel this constant battle of wishing the day would end and hoping that these days last forever. You are doing your best and you are the absolute best caregiver for your child. And you are also human.

I created a free resource to get you started on your own discipline journey with your little(s). It is linked below. Please leave feedback here and if you have any questions, feel free to DM me. I’m hoping this resource gives you some answers, some information, and some tools that are easy to use. This resource explores evidence based strategies, books about big emotions, coping strategies, solutions to use at home, and materials from my Amazon Storefront that we use daily! Enjoy!

Free Social Emotional Learning Resource: Click Here to Download

Love always,